Friday, January 07, 2005

Raise Your Goblet of Rock!

Today is going to be "Rock the not so free world" day. Back in the States a common cheesy phrase among musicians is "Rock the Free World" It just doesn't have the same ring here in Iraq. I got my guitar the other day and today is my day off. I say today because it's 3:20 a.m. Saturday so technically it's my day off but I haven't gone to bed yet so when I wake up it will be my day off. This will be a day full of melodious licks and fat slabs of juicy distortion that can only be served up by a savory dual humbucker equipped guitar. If that last part meant nothing to you fear not, I will tread onward in my journey of musical nirvana completely unscathed and chalk up your guitar lingo ignorance to complete misfortune. So in tribute to my guitar day you should join me in a toast. First you must get up from your desk or table and assume a hardy, wide footed, legs spread and knees slightly bent, classic rock and roll guitar stance. If you have a guitar even better. If you don't just pretend. It's not like anyone can see you. Or can they? Doesn't matter, your this far into it might as well finish. Besides, I'm here defending your freedom to do things like stand in a Rock and Roll guitar stance any time you want. There's starving kids in China that would love to stand in a Classic Rock and Roll guitar stance. So if it's not too much to ask... Once in your stance extend your left hand as if to hold the neck of the guitar, maintaining your solid guitar stance raise your right hand high above your head as if holding a guitar pick/whatever drink you use to toast. Now in your deepest most guttural gravely slow loud commanding British rock and roll accent exclaim for all to hear "RAISE YOUR GOBLET OF ROCK" and strum a big fat chord on your imaginary guitar. If the mood strikes go ahead and play a few licks complete with your own dance moves. If you happen to work at my church stick your head into Pastor F's office and get a quick picture of him doing this for me. As a true brother in Christ surely he wouldn't deny me this one request. Then when he's not looking put it onto the projector during announcements at church.

Anyway, there is one more order of business to attend to. Some people have asked about the 12 days of Christmas list. For those of you just tuning in, my wife and some friends put together a list of 12 items and mailed me 12 gifts for Christmas. I got to open one each day until Christmas. The list was clues as to what the gifts were. The theme was Lord of the Rings. So here it is drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (drum roll)

Day 1 Treebeard = Small Christmas Tree
Day 2 Treebeard's Jewels = Ornaments and lights
Day 3 Gandalf's Light = Mini Mag Lite
Day 4 Helms Deep's beginning = Little Star Wars Lego ships
Day 5 Scroll = Book one in the Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker titled Black, I subsequently ordered books two and three (RED and WHITE) from These books are great, right up there with DaVinci code.
Day 6 Elfish Songs = The new Jeremy Camp CD
Day 7 Lamnas Bread = Reese's peanut butter cup Christmas Trees
Day 8 A Hobbit's Yule = National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation DVD
Day 9 Hairy Feet = A little stocking for Jesus with a poem
Day 10 A Hobbit's written Yule = A Christmas Story DVD (You'll shoot your eye out)
Day 11 The Precious = Christmas tree lights shaped like the Leg Lamp from #10
Day 12 Trixy Fobbiteses = Gameboy w/ Lord of the Rings game.

I know the movie buffs will say #12 is supposed to be trixy Hobbitses but there's a story behind that. Here in Iraq our bases are called FOBs (Forward Operating Base). Back in the day if you had a job that kept you "inside the wire" you were called a REMF. I won't tell you what REMF stands for but it is definitely derogatory. Anyway, some people now call the ones who have jobs that keep them in the FOB, fobbits. Hence the term Trixy Fobbitses. I had a great time going through each day waiting to see what the gift turned out to be. It wasn't even the gifts that were the best part, it was the thought and care for me that went into the preparation. It really gave me something to look forward to each night. It was great.

Now, in the immortal words of Forest Gump "That's all I got to say about that".


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe we can work on getting that photo of PF for you. That would be great! The mister did his salute to "Rock!" even before I read him the steps. He did have blade of grass in his teeth and hanging out of his mouth. Can't take the country out of him. I am glad to see God is still lifting your spirits when you need. I'm sure it is much harder than we can ever know but God knows and is with you always. Yes, his there even in the porta-potties. Kind of a yuckie thought. Anyway, rock on, Dude! CnH

1:08 PM  

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